|Bill Cullen's Greatest Quotes|
Winner Take All:
|I've Got a Secret:
(Bill’s agent is a contestant)
"PLACE THE FACE"
Bill: I had a crush on my fourth-grade teacher, but nothing came of it because of the age difference. I was about 15 years older.
"THE PRICE IS RIGHT"
Bill: Just to start you off right, each of you has in front of you an RCA transistor radio. Put it aside for the time being and kindly do not listen to another network while we are on the air.
Contestant: This couldn't be happening to me!
Bill: Because of legal things, since none of you won, I now must destroy the check, which is easily done by ripping the signatures. This is a great moment for me,. because I've been wanting to tear up Goodson & Todman for years.
Bill: (Displaying the TV Guide issue with his picture on the cover) There's a fascinating article in this week's TV Guide about what happens to the prizes given away on "The Price is Right," and on the cover is that wonderful Hollywood star, Tony Perkins-- No, wait, that's not Tony Perkins, that's Sal Mineo.
Bill: (Demonstrating a closed-circuit television) Now, here you see our show because the TV is tuned to WRCA Channel 4. Watch what happens when I switch the channel...If that looks like a baby to you folks at home, let me put your minds at ease--That's exactly what it is.
Contestant: Oh, I'm so excited!
Bill: Remember, all contestants recieve a copy of the "Eye Guess" home game. A
Bill: We'll be back with more of our program, "Winner Take All", after this message.
"THREE ON A MATCH"
(Bill is reading an entry from a “How to Conserve Energy” theme-writing contest)
|"TO TELL THE TRUTH"
(Voting in game two, after celebirty imposters were used in game one)
Bill: Well, number one is Tom Poston, and number three is Orson Bean, so I'm voting for number two, who is obviously Gene Rayburn.
(After interviewing a canary expert)
THE $25,000 PYRAMID
(After a contestant didn't know "Switzerland" from the clue "Heidi's country.")
(Bill is talking to one of that night’s guests, Dick Clark)
PASS THE BUCK
Bill: We have hidden on the third level the names of two famous Johns...(giggles)...perhaps I should clarify that. Famous men NAMED John.
Bill: Audience, can you think of any other ways you might feel before you get married?...What?...Someone in the audience yelled out "pregnant."
CONTESTANT: My name is Betsy Tukar and I’m a page at another network.
(Fast Bucks question is “Name four game show hosts.”)
|CAUGHT IN THE ACT (UNSOLD PILOT WITH BILL ON THE PANEL)
Category: It Happens When a Girl Gets Married
Bill: If it's in Hollywood, she arranges for her divorce.
Category: What You Might Say in Heaven
Category: Something that Bites
DECISIONS, DECISIONS (UNSOLD PILOT)
Bill: Okay, so we have the rabbit on the one hand, and the elephant standing on my foot.
David Letterman: I think praying mantises either die or they eat their young after breeding. Either one pretty much inhibits sexual activity, so I'll say rabbit.
Bill: The praying mantis breeds more often. I guess his prayers were answered.
Bill: Here's a factual chart. The termite does it...uh, let's say he "reproduces."
Bill: (Recapping clues for "John Paul II") Up there we had "Friendly", "Poland", "Catholic"...Boy, I should hope so. I wouldn't think we'd have a Protestant there.
Contestant:...And my interests include bowling and crossword puzzles.
CARD SHARKS GAME SHOW EMCEES TOURNAMENT
Jim: You cut the cards during the break-- how'd they feel?
Question: How many women cried on their wedding night?
Bill: Nobody knew that? Audience did you know it?... I heard four or five people say the right answer. More than half our audience knew that.
Bill: Let me explain that answer. Friday is the Muslim sabbath, Saturday is the Jewish, and Sunday is the Christian sabbath, and I think that's it. I don't imagine a sabbath applies to any other religion... Boy... I'm sure I offended somebody with that.
Bill: You take with you $500, oh, and of course, for such marvelous work, I wish I had more to offer, but all I have at the moment is our "Blockbusters" game. How 'bout that?
Contestant: Well, right now I'm trying to go into the live television industry in Los Angeles and I'm finding it's not the hardest thing in the world. It's not easy but...
Bill: Well, no, but with people like me working it can't be difficult.
Contestant: One day I'd like to go into producing.
Bill: Would you like to produce this show?
Contestant: Well, I know you already have a producer.
Bill: Yeah, but nobody is indispensible. Hey (executive producer) Bob (Sherman)! Are you still here?
Bill: We have a woman in our audience who is related to the two men in Pittsburgh who cut my hair when I was a teenager. That was so long ago, hair hadn't even been invented yet.
Bill: Let me explain that. Powdering the horn has an aphrodisiac effect on the rhinocerous, which is why make-up people are so popular.
Bill: Nipper was the dog in the RCA ads.
Bill: When I said "No," I didn't mean it was wrong, I meant the buzzer had sounded and I couldn't describe that because it would have given away too much information. BOY, wasn't that clever?
Bill: I probably will not amount to much in my life, but I will always say that there was a day way back when when I was the star of "Blockbusters."
Question: What S does the Bible say not to cast your pearls before?
Bill: We have a woman in our audience who watches this show in the Netherlands. We asked her what the title of the show is in Dutch. It's called "Hide Your Windmills, Here Comes Don Quixote." You have to make a path from the canal to the wooden shoe. Do that and you win 5,000 tulips.
Bill: You've won $48,000. What will you do with it?
(John's family comes onstage to congratulate him)
Bill: When Kevin said, "We like your new rule," you probably all sat up straight in your chair or your orange crate and you yelled "What new rule?!" Well, it's none of your affair, that's all I have to say!
Question: What G gets lots of "Z's" carved into his belly?
Bill: This is a letter B question that I'm about to read that I picked myself from a sealed fruit jar under Johnny Carson's porch.
(A contestant misses a possible win by picking the wrong letter)
Bill: Here's a question that won't really help nor harm anybody. It sure won't help me, I've gotta read the dumb thing.
(Before the third D question)
Question: What letter A yelled "Eureka!" when condcuting expermiments in his bathtub?
Bill: Well, good luck in your radio producing career, and when you get into TV producing and you need an old, decrepid emcee, remember me.
Bill: I'm sorry you didn't win the match, but we have a nice consolation prize in my magic box back here...(disappears from the screen, and starts talking in a tone of voice like he's talking to a puppy) Hello, there, little magic box. How are you? I love you, little magic box...Ah, here it is! It's our home game!
Leland Yung: I invested some of my winnings.
Bill: Thank you to our home audience. I always thank the studio audience but I don't always thank the home viewers, so thank you for twisting our knob.
Bill: Oh, you see what's happened? A bulb has burned out on our board. That hexagon is supposed to be red, so you folks at home, if you have any red crayons, get them out and fill in that balck space on your screen, and if you don't have crayons, kids, get Mommy's lipstick or Mommy's nail polish.
Bill: (on the series finale) Over the past year and a half, We've recieved a lot of mail regarding the handicap on this show, which is...well, that I'm not a very good host.
Bill: (Also from the finale) And lest you feel sorry for me, don't because a kid my age has his whole life ahead of him.
Bill: Wendy is expecting... uh... quintuplets? ...Triplets? What are you having?
(A child has just defined “Mascara” by saying, “I use it every day.”)
(A child is defining “Bo Derek”)
CONTESTANT: …And I’ll be getting married in a few months, and I hope that lasts forever.
Question: The Davis Research Group asked people across the country, "Who is your favorite comedian?"
Question: Name the Seven Dwarfs.
Bill: What's the first thing you notice about a man?
Question: Name seven signs of the zodiac.
Question: Name seven of the 10 countries with the longest life expectancies.
(After being introduced at the show's opening)
Bill: I haven't gotten a reception like that since they closed Pittsburgh.
Bill: What'll you do with all that money?
Question: Davis Research asked people to complete this sentence-- The schools don't teach students enough about what?
Bill: Bert Convy, host of Tattletales, he's the best-looking of the game show hosts, if you ask me. Peter Tomarken hosts "Press Your LUck" and he's also a good looking guy. Jim Perry hosts "Sale of the Century" and he's a good-looking guy. Bob Eubanks hosts "Dream House," he's good-looking. You know, come to think of it I can only think of one network game show host who isn't all that good-looking. Think about that for a minute, we'll be right back.
Contestant: I became a preacher because it was the only job I could find where I only went to work one day a week.
Bill: There is one other...and that's doing exactly what I'm doing right now. And I don't even have to watch my morals or anything...It is a known fact, I think that we tape these shows five at a time---Hey, maybe you could ask the bishop about taping five Sundays in a row!
(on the series finale)
Bill: I don't care. I'm coming in on Monday and read my questions and if anyone wants to listen, let them.
Question: Who was Don Quixote's loyal sidekick?
Bob: Pancho Sanza.
"THE JOKER'S WILD"
Question: In Greek mythology, who was the vain youth who fell in love with his own reflection?
Bill: Have you gotten any reaction since winning?
(talking to the head of an eating club)
(Contestant is a gardening housewife named Linda Toole)
Bill: Richard Chamberlain and I have the same barber, which I suppose is why I look so much like him.
"All Star Secrets"
Up One Level to: Bill Cullen's World
Up Two Levels to: Game Show Utopia