Yeah, I said it...
THE NEW TREASURE HUNT
GEOFF: Why did you pick Box # 12 ?
CONTESTANT: It's my husband's football letter.
GEOFF: It's your husband's football letter? Fantastic. My football letter was R.
GEOFF: Hands off your boxes until Daddy tells you when to go.
A nervous contestant is clutching Geoff tightly.
GEOFF: So where are you from?
GEOFF: Pomonas, really? Can I tell you something?
GEOFF: You're breaking my hand.
GEOFF: Why did you pick Box # 9 ?
CONTESTANT: I have two children; one is 8, and the other is 1.
GEOFF: Oh. Well, you know, you could have picked #7.
GEOFF: For those of you who have been watching the last four shows, you know that this is our last show together with this group. I kinda view this with mixed emotions, sort of like watching my mother-in-law drive my new car over a cliff.
CONTESTANT #1: We're the gay guys who hung out in Sherwood Forest with Robin Hood. Who are we?
CONTESTANT #2: Robin Hood's…Fairies?
GEOFF: Uh, no, I know they wore those cute little green suits, but it was the Merry Men.
THE $20,000 PYRAMID
The category is “Types of Beds” and Geoff is giving a clue for “Waterbed”
GEOFF: This is the kind of bed you might drown in.
PLAY THE PERCENTAGES
GEOFF: What do you do for a living?
CONTESTANT: I'm a swimming pool contractor.
GEOFF: Swimming pool contractor? Well, your business is going in the hole, but we won't talk about that.
QUESTION: In the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” what did her true love give her on the third day?
CONTESTANT: Hmm…The Christmas spirit, eh?...
GEOFF: I should explain that it is the Christmas spirit in some of our cities, however, in other parts of the country it is the Easter spirit right now.
GEOFF: We asked 300 people this question: The male of this species is called a jackass…My wife thinks the male of every species is a jackass.
Geoff accidentally reveals an answer too quickly.
GEOFF: We'll take a commercial break while Jack Barry comes out here and beats me up.
(After the commercial break)
GEOFF: With any luck at all, I'll be back tomorrow. Goodbye.
QUESTION: It's a violent reflex action of the body. It can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour. You can't do it with your eyes open. What is it?
CONTESTANT: I thought it was either that or throwing up…I close my eyes for that.
GEOFF: I close my eyes no matter who's doing it.
QUESTION: Who was the woman known as “The Sex Kitten”?
CONTESTANT: Marilyn Monroe?
GEOFF: No! She was a full-grown tiger , my man!
Jan Speck is modeling a fur coat.
GEOFF: Very nice…very, very nice…So is the coat.
GEOFF: We had some sweet things for you. The first sweet thing you gave up was some Swiss candy, from Switzerland . You gave up…Dutch chocolates from Holland . You gave up some Italian chocolates from Italianland.
Geoff and a contestant are looking at the scantily-clad Jan Speck.
CONTESTANT: Oh my goodness.
GEOFF: That's what I said, “Oh my goodness.” I wish I had a robot like that.
CONTESTANT: There's nothing in the box?
GEOFF: There's something in the box…There's never nothing in the box. Sometimes there's something that is nothing inside the box, but there's never nothing in the box. There's something in the box, but you were close when you said there was nothing in the box, because it's something, but it's nothing.
Geoff is having trouble taking the lid off the box.
GEOFF: The lid is on the box really tight and it won't come off. You know what that means, right?
CONTESTANT: There's something really good in the box?
GEOFF: Right, or there's something really bad in the box. One or the other.
GEOFF: You picked Box # 29 because you were born June 29 th , right? If you were born February 27 th , you would have picked Box # 27 . If you were born April 31 st …well, if you were born April 31 st , you wouldn't exist…and if you were born July 54 th , you would have picked Box # 54 , right?
GEOFF: You won a toy violin…Honestly, I don't like to see violins on television.
(You might look like an idiot, but if you don't get the joke here, say it out loud.)
GEOFF: This prize is a biggy.
CONTESTANT: It is?
GEOFF: Yes, and what I mean is…well…if you had a “pig” and a “piggy” which one would be smaller?
CONTESTANT: The piggy.
GEOFF: Right. So the prize you won is a biggy.
GEOFF: Why did you pick this box?
CONTESTANT: I got that old Jamaican feeling.
GEOFF: That old Jamaican feeling…
Geoff looks in the box.
GEOFF: Jamaica mistake?
(Jan Speck is bringing a box to the table.)
GEOFF: Why did you pick that box?
CONTESTANT: It looks pretty.
GEOFF: It does look pretty…so does the box.
GEOFF: The Mystery Game is Wacko, and so is the announcer who's going to tell you about it. Kevin?
CONTESTANT: I want to say Hi to my dorm floor, Gilmer 5.
GEOFF: That's the first time we've ever had a contestant say “hi” to their floor. Would you like to say “hi” to your dorm ceiling while we're at it?
GEOFF: What's your name sir?
GEOFF: Mario, wow. I've played your game.
CONTESTANT #1: I'm the piece of furniture that helps you put on your clothes. What am I?
CONTESTANT #2: A dresser.
GEOFF: And come to think of it, a dresser can help you put on your drawers.
CONTESTANT #1: I'm the kind of mother who always uses the stairs. What kind of mother am I?
CONTESTANT #2: A grandmother.
GEOFF: No, a grandmother always uses a piano.
(The answer was “stepmother” if you were wondering.)
CONTESTANT #1: You open the paper and you're happy to see/ that your name still doesn't appear in me. What am I?
(Contestant #2 is stumped)
GEOFF: It's the obituary column, although I'll take whatever publicity I can get.
A contestant has just won a $14,500 Super Jackpot and has to go for a $640 Jackpot.
GEOFF: Just think of it as your taxes.
Up One Level to: Geoff Edwards' World
Up Two Levels to: Game Show Utopia